I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
