It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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