I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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