so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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