Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
