Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
