I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
