You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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