I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
