Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
