Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize