make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
