it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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