Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
