Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
