I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
