my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
