I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dear god my vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
