So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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