well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
