? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if only i could text you this smell
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
