she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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