He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
