Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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