I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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