Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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