What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm both gender and math confused
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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