I love black thongs
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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