plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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