bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
