go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
