I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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