Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
