Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
