from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
