I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
