apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
