My friends, they love my intelligence
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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