So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
