my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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