I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
