You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
