she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
