Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
