So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
vagina is talking i cant
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
