i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
