it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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