We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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