I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize