Will you blow on my dice?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize