He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
