I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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