I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
