life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
