The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
