Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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