you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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