It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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