Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
