Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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