you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize