Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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