Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
