What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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