Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drake has all the answers
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
