Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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