how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
