i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
