I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
