I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
