I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
