I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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