so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize