New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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