I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
